Blasphemy

Jesus.
I'm not religious, but Jesus.
I am smitten.

Like I'm so smitten...

that I'm constantly thinking about him nearly every minute of the day, about our conversations and future conversations and wondering everything else about him,
that I'm having a seriously difficult time concentrating on my work when I'm constantly on the lookout for him,
that when he smiles and waves at me I melt into a puddle of goo,
that I slow my pace when I'm in the process of leaving work so that I might be able to see him and say goodbye before I go home,
that oh, dear God, I couldn't stop staring into my backview mirror when he was changing his shirt beside his car...

After he tormented me with his shirtless bod (oh lord, I just shivered), he drives his car over to mine and smiles again with his window rolled down and offers to buy me a freakin' ice cream sandwich of all things, but GOD DAMNIT, I hadn't eaten dinner yet and was starving...

I almost, almost, had a date, I think. I mean, I think he's single? He was telling me that his roommate would make him dinner if he brought back an ice cream sandwich, and I misheard him and thought he said that I would make him dinner. He said that would work too, just as long as he wouldn't have to make anything... I said I was going to this restaraunt to pick up some food on my way home, and he asked me where it was, but apparently it was too far away. I guess he would have gone if it were close by? *sob* He offered again to buy me an ice cream sandwich, and I have no idea why I declined, I guess I panicked. I did need to eat some real food, though.

Impasses suck.

And NOW I have a completely different shift from him for a couple of weeks and will hardly ever see him. Neither of us have the other's phone number or email address, so we cannot contact one another outside of seeing each other at work. Whaaaaaaaaah. I'm probably going to be having withdrawals.

Just letting it speak for itself.

So.
I created my own art website.
You, uh.
Ought to check it out some.
*shakes fist*

I don't believe in titles.

1. I just had a fit of laughter. And I don't just mean, "Haha wow that was a good joke," it's more along the lines of hysteria and not being able to move properly, my cheeks and abdominal muscles aching from laughing for so long (probably at least two minutes straight) and can't stop. It's been a while since that has happened; about three years. I can't even remember what was so funny that caused it.

2. I have so many crushes, it's ridiculous. Most are not persuable, some are unknown, and one is single, although I'm unsure about that last one interest-wise. Then of them there are the studly guys who if I just happen to see them, I feel so self-conscious and stunned, or dazzled, I could say, and I'm constantly aware of their presence. It's excruciating to make casual conversation in that kind of state, seriously.

3. My brother is, on short notice, staying for a week. This makes me happy. I'm watching Naruto from the beginning, because I've only ever seen just a couple of episodes. He watched eight episodes with me tonight, where Haku is killed and I started bawling because he was finally recognized by Zabuza as a human being, only too late. Anyway, we'll probably play some soccer on Tuesday if he's not being held up by the folks.

4. Tomorrow I've got a dentist appointment to replace some old fillings. Sucks.

5. I might have to hold off on those car buying shinanigans I was going on about earlier. There's a lot I know I'm going to have to pay for this summer like tuition, car insurance, and oral surgery. Makes me sad.

Why does everything have to suck so much?

I haven't had a family turning point in a really long time. Not since I was eleven or so, I think I was, when my brother ran away from home to our dad's house. Yes, my parents are separated, but it never bothered me because it's been the case since I was two years old.

Now, my mom has been struggling to find work in nuclear medicine, a field for which she had just finished an 18-month program on. There are practically no jobs available and she's been forced to having to apply for jobs to areas way out of town, even out of state. She got a call back finally, after weeks of looking every day for 6-8 hours a day, but it is across state. I won't be seeing her very much anymore if she gets the job. She'll be pretty much gone.

I haven't been without my mom EVER. She provides for me, she gives me advice and encouragement, and now she'll be gone. Hell, I'd probably become fat and lazy from her not being there to nag at me and make me meals that are too healthy. And I've got to get along with my step dad, now. I mean, I do "get along" with him fine, it's just that we're not the kind of people who would ever become friends. I've always felt awkward around him when my mom wasn't there. I guess I have to get over that, now.

I don't know what to do. Even now, I can't even imagine life without her.

Dear friends and acquaintances,

I befriend people rather easily, they just don't often become good friends. I have... two good friends, by which I mean I actually make an effort to see these two people again every once in a while. Other people, I simply do not bother with and can live without. I don't mean that in a way that I don't give a crap about them, I just mean that if they were to suddenly vanish from the Earth, say, then I would mourn but it wouldn't take an entirely long time for me to get over their absence. An unlikely scenario, but I'm just saying.

I brought that up because recently I've been thinking about all the "friends" I've made and who have slipped by as time goes on and conditions change. I remember how when they first left I thought I'd miss them to death, but now it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I just thought that kind of odd. I can wave them off now... except for the select few for which I can still regret not having them in my life any longer. To be honest, only one person comes to mind. That's sad.

Today is my "work" anniversary. I have officially worked at this loathesome job for two years. Two whole years. God. And I remember all the times I threatened to quit and yet never did. I intend to celebrate my strength and perserverance by going out to dinner. For steak. Mmm.

New Moon

Just one thing, first. Note that I love the Twilight books when I say that the first movie sucked big time. I laughed at the serious parts because the acting was so terrible. However, the trailer to New Moon looks awesome.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer


Oh my god. Did you see Jacob Black? Hawt.