You look awfully familiar.

I've been taking a lot more photos. Nature photos. Go figure. I thought I'd just have some sort of a, uh. Photo reel, here. But without the reeling part. So. Ta da!

Well. That was fun. Yay.

Okay, I just thought I'd mention this really cool website called Pandora. It's an internet radio where you can set up your own stations relative to the music that you like. You can vote aye or nay to the songs they play and they'll adapt to your interests. If you've got an iPhone, there's an application for it, or if you have Windows Vista, then you can download a gadget for your sidebar. Anyway, check it the hell out.

Must I say it? This week has been going by rather sluggishly. I think this will be a recurring thing this semester, this sluggish feeling. Yes, I think so.

Yes, Birthday. Par-tay.

Yeah, so. ISN'T THIS GREAT?! I'm pretty much in my twenty's now. That's pretty much weird to even grasp. I'm pretty much disoriented. Pretty much.

Okay, I'll stop. Really, though. I've always considered myself a kid, I never wanted to grow up, I always wanted to stay the age of twelve forever, and now I have all of these adult responsibilities that I have to take care of and adult behaviors that I have to pick up. It's like you have to change yourself when you grow up in order to be properly accepted. Well, I'll try not to change. Like I said, it's an unwanted change, but I'm sure that, eventually, something will push me along across that line and I'll wonder how I got there. I mean, I can't be fifty years old pretending I'm twelve. Seriously.

I got home from work last night and found a note on my laptop from my mom. It made me cry.

Happy Birthday my Little Boo (:
20 years. Where have the years gone? Soccer, swimming, homework. For the past week, my dreams have been overwhelming--about my little ones being little, but no longer, huh! I am proud of you and your accomplishments--mostly you! I love your photography, artwork, and your mind. Mostly I love you. You will never know how much you mean to me, but that's okay. At least I know. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being you. Forever hugs, kisses, support, and yes, advise!
xoxo
Mom

Oh, tear.

Wow. What a rebel.

I know I usually save the countdown for the last part of my entries, but I'm so excited about it, I'm throwing it in the middle. Whoa, somebody stop me.

COUNTDOWN:

2 days 'til my birthday.

So. That unfortunately wasn't nearly as fun as I was hoping it to be. I guess we'll just have to wait until the 27th. Expect great things.

On my Jones soda bottle, the fortune on the underside of the cap said that Monday would be a very important day for me. Guess what. It's the first day of the spring semester. For some reason, people keep asking me if I'm excited about starting up school again and I just give them this weird look and an inevitable negative. I'm going to be taking three upper division math courses, of course I'm not looking forward to it. Ask me again on my last day of finals.

Since I have nothing else of significance to talk about, I thought that I'd mention that I saw some girl wearing shorts. You see, some people have been misled to believe that it would be okay to wear shorts when the sun is out, despite it being the middle of winter. Because, hey, come on. The sun is out. It must be warm enough outside.

Don't ask why.

I haven't been home recently while my mom has, so she had to write me an angry letter last night instead of yelling at me directly. It was basically saying how she is sick to death of my not taking an initiative in the upkeep of the household, because I don't do anything unless the chore has officially been delegated to me. Of course I'm not going to clean the bathroom when I've got an 8.5 hour workday. Wait 'til my freakin' day off, woman.

Then she gets angry about how I don't keep up the kitchen, but that just seems silly to me because I think I've only used one bowl in the last two days. It looks like she wrote some more, but the end of the letter was torn off where some fully capitalized words are still distinguishable, saying how I'm selfish, spending my self indulgent days taking pictures etc. Then, rather humorously, there's a separate note saying, "I left a video for you to watch--rewind one hour. Very funny!" Honestly, what the hell?

And she woke me up at probably 6:00 AM this morning saying there were to opposums hanging out in the backyard and would I like to take a picture of them? She wasn't here when I got up this morning, so I probably won't see her until tonight because I'll be out of the house too, watching Slumdog Millionaire with a friend. It all just seems rather silly.

COUNTDOWN:

3 days 'til my birthday!

Sweet dreams, tiger.

New photographs on my DeviantART page! The lenses my dad got for me all arrived and I was so enthusiastic I went out and bought me some flowers to take pictures of. I know, I'm insane. But they came out good, didn't they?

When I was little and used to go to this camp with my dad and brother, we bought blue cream soda and watched as our tongues turned blue. I found some last fall semester in the Java City on campus and bought some for the sake of reminiscing about those nearly lost memories. After spotting that soda, I've been looking for more at other stores so I wouldn't have to buy just one bottle at a time, but I can't find them anywhere. Instead, I got some Jones cream soda, trying it for the first time. Yes, it was awesome. I really like Jones Soda, and not just the soda. The company itself is pretty sweet as well. This is what they say on the back of their bottles:

"Ya gotta make a living somehow; we chose the beverage world. Good old soda made with pure cane sugar. No hidden meanings, no billion dollar ad compains, and no high fructose corn syrup. At Jones, we want you to buy a lot of soda and recycle the bottles. The labels are kind of like our minds - always changing. Run with the little guy... create some change."

I went onto their website and uploaded one of my photos in hopes that they would choose it for one of their labels.

I think it fits. It's pretty wicked, yeah. Vote for it here! And I posted some other ones, too. Here, here, and here. Vote! Vote! Vote!

COUNTDOWN: 7 days 'til my birthday. Oh, lord.

Do you see what I see?

Since this is a relatively new blog and I haven't posted any of my [very] short prose/stories, I thought I ought to. Only my two favorites, of course, which were both inspired by dreams I had. Those written prior were just plain silly. Probably because they weren't based on dreams. Hahar.

This first one is sort of macabre in a different way.

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The Impressionists

We watch at a distance through slits of our closed curtains and doors the skies and the darkened clouds of dusk. If only the rain would fall and relieve our souls of fear; if only the lightening would sound its thunder to tell us that we are safe. But what can we do? It’s too late and they’re already coming. Don’t move or flinch; don’t let them see you, and stay inside. Know those fiery serpents are watching and waiting for you to make a mistake, because when they do catch you, they’ll dive to the floor of the earth and erupt an explosion of such destruction that…

Everything will be fine. Your town will be intact, as will your house, your room, your possessions, your body. But your self will be gone, and all that you shall know will be false impressions of love and hate. So when that vast and consuming outbreak sweeps through our land, don’t let your gaze seek that fiery red light. Just hide.

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This next one is more uplifting and inspirational. Yay!

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The Great Engulfer

We were a sort of clan: a people who required the use of lungs and yet lived within the waters. We were swimmers, but our physicalities allowed us to live on the land if we only wished to.

It was quite strange, though. Everything suddenly had a sense of urgency about it somehow, as if unseen mouths whispered hurriedly at us to retreat from the waters to its edges, "The Great Engulfer is coming." We've heard of him before; he'd take vast amounts of water into his mouth--great lakes and bays, and even seas!--and he'd spit them out to some unknown destination, so all that was left of that body of water was a mess of collapsed vegetation clinging desperately to the damp soil, certainly not as lively as it had been when it danced to the underwater currents.

He sounds as if he is a treacherous beast. We feared him as we waited along the shoreline for any signs of turbulence. Splashes of fish above the surface signaled our simultaneous gasps. And yet, when the Great Engulfer finally appeared, his arrival was hardly as violent as we imagined it would be. He rose slowly and steadily out of the water--a great mound, floating out in the distance like an iceberg with large, dilated eyes. He blinked at us and it was then, without any sort of formal communication, that we knew we did not have to be afraid. Change is a part of life; nothing is constant. The Great Engulfer was the mere catalyst in a reaction of change for a people like us. We must give up and sacrifice even the things we love most in order to grow.

The Great Engulfer allowed us back into our sparkling bay one last time. It was our chance to take in everything we could through sight and smell and touch, to be etched into the tablet of our memories. We savored the feel of the water on our skin. We flew. Eventually, we felt the currents pulling us back. The Great Engulfer had opened his cavernous mouth and the bay's surface was sculpted into a cylindrical waterfall, spiralling into a seemingly endless abyss.

We paddled back to the shores before the currents grew too strong to oppose. Just after all that was left were those wilted bits of vegetation, a boom chorused in the atmosphere, and air molecules dashed madly around and into each other at the disturbance. The Great Engulfer could be seen pouting his lips and compressing his cheeks with such a force that a rapid stream of water shot into the skies, upward towards that unknown destination.

We stared in awe and nostalgia at him and what he had done. We even felt lost when he retreated back to wherever it was that he had come from. But then I felt a drop hit the top of my head. I glanced at others beaming up at the sky. We raised our arms in welcome of the rain that would fill our bay again.

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On a side note, I'd say that if I were left handed, my trigger finger is ah twitchin'. But I'm right handed, so all that happened was my finger bugged the hell out of me all day. It just wouldn't stop, the trouble maker. It and those hiccups are in league together somehow. What exactly they are planning, I have yet to find out.

It's okay. I don't have a heart anymore.

On my DeviantART page, there's a new wallpaper I made, which I used as my new title background here. If you'd like to use it at all, go ahead.

I suppose there has been a bunch of stuff going on recently. Mainly my ailments have been bothering me rather excessively. I went to the doctor's the other day after not having been to the office for a good two years or so. It turns out I have elevated blood pressure, which confused my doctor since I'm so young and relatively thin. That adds to my chest pain, joint pain, and weird bouts of semi-blindness. I always joked about how I'll probably die of some sort of disease by the time I'm thirty five years old, but I guess I shouldn't joke anymore. I did the other day, and my mom screamed at me, "That's not funny!" She's worried for me. My doctor ordered some blood work for me as well as an ultrasound for my kidneys and general abdomen. I don't know what the last part is for, but my mom assured me it was relevant and made sense.

Other things have been going on to--I just can't seem to remember what they were. I should start walking around with a tiny notepad to remind myself of what happens during the day so that I can remember later on and write about it. Oh, man. I better not have Alzheimer's, too.

Check out the short film on the bottom of the page that a friend of mine found. It's called Death to the Tinman, a rather odd sweet sorrow.

Oh, an inside joke. How lovely for you both.

Funny story, my boss was talking about my skin today to a coworker. She was saying how it's milky white and perfect. Yeah, what?

So, about my camera? My dad ordered everything I asked for! I get to have all those cool lenses and filters and the tripod... I'm freakin' excited, to say the least. I guess it should arrive within a week or so. Oh, how I tremble with anticipation. And then he asked what I want for my birthday. Haha, I would glomp him if he weren't 350 miles away. Corel Painter X has been giving me trouble, seeing as I had never really gotten used to using it. I've been relying on Photoshop Elements to do all of my digital coloring, instead. My tablet notebook only really works properly with Painter, though, so I asked him for a how-to book. The program is so complex; I have no idea how to use anything. Oh, and I also asked for two small artist models for my drawing. My mom had already gotten me a rather large one on a stand, but it's unfortunately inflexible and therefore mostly useless. Sad, yes. I don't have the heart to tell her.

My mom was on her bike in the living room. That sentence sounds hilarious, but the bike's really set up as a trainer, so you can ride indoors when it's frigid outdoors. Anyways, she had a movie on called Harold and Maude, which was made in the early 70's. I had to start watching it because everything going on was just so obscure. Harold would continously stage suicides in front of his mother in order to get a rise out of her, but she'd act as though he was just standing there instead of hanging himself, or stabbing himself with a samurai's dagger, or setting himself on fire. Oh, and he goes to funerals and drives a hearse because death fascinates him. Then he meets this old woman named Maude and he finally finds a friend who is weirder than he is. It's really a good story, especially with all of their peculiar behaviors. I recommend watching it.

High falutin' and putting on aires.

Hey, I just drew a new... drawing. Go figure. I pretty much like it a bunch.

Every time I listen to "Decode" by Paramore and it comes up to the end of the song where Haley sings "I think I know" with an excess of drama, at that moment I am always reminded of Death Note. There is a probable similarity in the music here and in the Death Note opening song for the first several episodes (not the later ones with the heavy metal introduction). I don't know if it's because of the Death Note comparison or because it's just a sweetawesome melody, but it's my favorite part of the song. Absofrigginlutely. I guess I might be slightly melodramatic, myself.

While I'm on the topic of music, I thought I'd mention a local artist. Her name is Srna, she's friends of my best friend, and has incredible control over her voice and a talent for melody and lyrics. She calls her music acoustic healing and easy listening. If you want to check her out, she's on Myspace. I recommend listening to Heavy Bones and Love Broke, especially.

This past weekend I was spending time with my dad a lot. We visited my brother, as well, watching a couple of movies: Yes Man and The Spirit. The Spirit sucked like some sort of sucking monstrosity, but Yes Man was more than tolerable. Zooey Deschanel is so adorable. I wish she was my big sister or something.

Anyway, my brother has been in a spot of trouble for a while and is often in need of financial help. What with the jobs available coming to a near stand still, it's really difficult for someone as unmotivated as my brother to find one, let alone without a high school diploma. We're all rather worried about him. My mom is in constant distress over his impending homelessness. I wish he'd pull his shit together and make an effort at life for himself rather than sit around and play video games all day and living off of the generosity of his friends and family. I want to still be as close to him as I have been throughout my teenage years, but after my realizations about his decision making and delibrate lying towards his familiy about his situations should have the obvious effect of driving me away. But it isn't, because I love him to death and I can't seem to stay angry with him for longer than overnight.

My dad gave him some money because of it, and my grandparents gave him some money as well for the whole Christmas charade. (Yes, they gave me some, too.) My dad thought it only fair that he gift me with something as well. I'd already told him that I wanted some lenses for my camera to increase my knowledge and skills in photography, so he told me to look for what I needed online provided that what I get is less than $300. I somehow managed to find some pretty amazing deals.

I've got a Canon Powershot S3 IS. I don't know much about cameras and all, but I'm pretty sure it's an amateur camera. I know it has some pretty awesome features, regardless. Anyway, I went looking for some compatible lenses via Google. I love Google.

Eventually I found some deals: a wide angle and macro lens, a teleconverter lens, and adapter for just $70, originally priced at about $250. Ca-ching! So with a bunch of money left over, I opted to get another package: a lens hood, filters, and a tripod for $30. Then I found another lens for $30 that I thought was pretty cool: a super wide angle panoramic macro fisheye lens. What a mouthful, eh? But that should help get me some of those really awesome super macro photographs that I'm looking for. I figured that's all I'd need to start out--not that I know what else there is out there for an amateur photographer.

All that I know is I'm breathing.

I'm not usually up for filling out surveys, but this one seemed promising. Besides, I haven't filled one out in ages, and I'm bored and procrastinating, so I thought, 'What the hell.' So I of course stole the thing.

Can you fill this out without lying?
I can make an attempt.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Red Bull. Which is funny, because I rarely drink energy drinks.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
Nope.

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 21?
Leslie.

Can you play guitar hero?
Never tried.

Last time you walked further than a block?
Yesterday.

Name someone that made you laugh today?
The author of a Harry Potter fanfiction. Har har.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Until 1:00 AM, engrossed in said Harry Potter fanfiction.

What were you doing last night at 9:30?
Working.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Up to a point.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Never tried it, but I guess I could be willing to.

Where is your biological father right now?
Approximately 350 miles away.

Where are you at right now?
Home, in a rather comfortable chair.

What bed did you sleep in last night?
My own, damn it.

When is your birthday?
January 27th.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Sure they can be.

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
Neva eva.

Do you like anyone right now?
A little bit, yes.

Anyone upset you lately?
A movie--Seven Pounds. Freaking miserably amazing movie.

What is your current mood?
Bored with cold feet.

Whats your brothers name?
Ben.

What' s your favorite color?
Blood red or a desaturated blue/green.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Absolutely.

Have a crazy side?
Especially when I'm around people I'm comfortable with.

Ever had a near death experience?
How about almost a near death experience? Like a really bad one? Then sure. Like not being able to breathe for quite a while.

Something you do alot?
I sing when I'm alone. I read excessive Harry Potter fanfiction.

Angry at anyone?
Not particularly. Merely frustrated.

Do you wanna see somebody right now?
I was hoping my brother would visit on my three days off from work.

When is the last time you cried?
Monday, when I watched Seven Pounds. I was tearing up so bad it gave me a headache.

Who would you do anything for?
I'm not particularly close enough to anyone to do absolutely anything for them. It makes me kind of sad to realize that.

What kind of phone do you have?
One of those free phones they give to you when you sign up. It's even got an antenna.

Do you ever say "take a chill pill"?
Certainly not recently.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Absolutely. I'll always be a kid at heart.

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
The stupid Red Bull that a friend at work managed to shake out of the vending machine along with five other cans.

Do you speak any other languages?
Hardly. I know a small bit of Spanish and a very small number of words in Norwegian and Greek. Like "Thank you." It's 'takk' in Norwegian (pronounced 'talk') and in Greek it is pronounced 'eh-fa-ri-sto.'

Whats your favorite smell / fragrence?
Amber, wood smoke, citris.

Describe your life in one word.
Bildungsroman.

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No.

What are you thinking about right now?
I'm wondering if I'm missing out on life.

What should you be doing right now?
Cleaning the bathroom, studying medical terminology, or eating lunch.

What is your most recent favorite memory?
Hanging out with my dad last weekend, just finding things to take photographs of.

What did you do last night at 10:30?
I arrived home from work and turned on the computer.

Who was the last person who yelled at you?
I don't remember.

Do you act differently around the person you like?
I used to, but I think I've become more comfortable now. However, with that realization, I'll probably act differently again. Weird.

What is your natural hair color?
Dark blonde.

Who was the last person to make you smile?
Jared.

Have you ever been IN a wedding?
I was standing along the line of people who stand with the bride and groom, if that's what you mean.

Are you multitasking right now?
Pff. I'm on vacation, I'm not going to multitask.

Could you Handle being in the Military?
Hell to the no.

Do you believe in Karma?
I don't know much about Karma, so I can't say that I do.

Favorite TV show?
House, on Fox.

Are you afraid of the dark?
It depends where I am. If I'm somewhere I know, like home, then I find the darkness fascinating. Of course, if I'm alone in some place I'm not familiar with, then yes I would be scared shitless.

Ever talked to someone that was drunk?
God, was that an experience. It's pretty much one of the main reasons why I'll never drink, myself.

What are you excited for?
My twentieth birthday this month.

Do you have any scars?
Yes. One of them is on my right elbow; I got it in Norway at an indoor swimming pool when I was 11 years old.

Relationships or one night stands?
I don't believe in one night stands.

How many piercings do you have?
A closed piercing on my ear lobes. From when I was three.

Three things you're doing at the moment?
Typing, thinking, listening to Muse.

Boo. What a terrible ending. At least I managed not to lie. I think. You never know when the subconscious might take over.

We've seen everything to see.

I wrote yesterday that I was hanging out with my dad and everything. As we are both rather artistic people, we decided to hunt for things to take pictures of. Luckily, we found many wonderous things and I managed to snap a few good photos. These are some of the ones worthy of uploading to DeviantART.

There were also some other really cool photographs I took of movements of lights and water reflections at night time, but I hadn't put those online for viewing. Oh, well!

Another, newer year.

Not that I participated in the celebration, I bid you all a happy new year. I'm surprised I even stayed up until midnight, but I was in the middle of watching The Notebook for the first time. It was such a sweet story. Anyway, I knew when midnight came around because there was a sudden succession of loud bangs and other noises, which was really distracting me from the movie. Freakin' hooligans.

Today I'm playing soccer with my Dad. He's visiting for a few days. We're going to see movies, go out to eat, go shopping, and on the 3rd we're going to drive a ways to visit my brother as well, since he didn't come by for Christmas. It rather irked me that he doesn't want to see me anymore. At least, that's one of my interpretations of his recent behavior.

I feel kind of bad, though, about my mom. I guess the other day I accidentally accepted plans today to go shopping and see a movie with her, not realizing that it was the day my dad was coming by. So now she's here at home with no plans when she could have joined my step dad in cycling in the mountains. She was kind of sore at me for a couple of minutes but I turned her around a little bit. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I haven't played soccer in so long, I think I'd rather go shopping and see a movie with her than play. I'm just not in very good shape right now, I guess.

Wish me luck with that, anyway.