We're all rather strange.

by Jazzy Lemonade
It's really loud here at my grandparents' house. They're going deaf, right? So the television is blaring and everyone is yelling so the grandparents can hear what's going on. Obnoxious really, especially since I'm generally soft spoken.

We all just played a game of cards and I'm pretty sure I was the only sane one at the table. My grandma was incredibly competitive and accusatory and not paying attention to what she was doing, my dad was going berserk and laughing over really stupid things, and my grandpa didn't understand how the game worked and kept making the same mistake over and over again.

My brother, on the other hand, is enjoying himself with his ex girlfriend, whom recently declared that she still likes him and he still likes her. It's nice, but sad because she does live in Arizona and we don't.

Relationships are strange in general, aren't they? People who just aren't at all similar get together to play cards because we're all family...

The A- Team

by Laina

Christmas Gift List:

1. Red scarf: with some thin white stripes and pink ends with red frays. I got this one from my Secret Santa at work. This is pretty much due to the fact that Granma wrote "scarves" on my questionnaire. *sigh*
2. Green scarf: handmade by mom, with super fuzzy and soft yarn but woven tight enough that the whole of the scarf feels tough. It can get itchy, so it's pretty much for really cold days.
3. Fuzzy beanie: purple, blue, and green hints. I'm not sure about the shape of it on my head; I've still got to get used to it. Ehhh.
4. Sweater: that's more to my mom's taste than it is my own. We'll be going shopping again when I get back from Arizona. <<(WHATTT?!)<<
5. Snuggle socks: super fuzzy and soft socks to wear around the house. They're lovely.
6. Picture Frame: set up in a collage format of 3x5 black frames. I'll be putting my photography in there eventually!
7. Red umbrella: with like, wizard gadgets on it.
8. Cookies: homemade by the boss. She gets them for us every year. I'm eating one now. NOMNOMNOM.

The Every Day List:
1. A friend of mine at work was telling me that he was never hit on at work before by a customer. I thought that was preposterous, but realized that girls are just wimps is all the reason was. He's a good looking dude, I've liked him since I met him even. So I told him that I considered going up to his register to hit on him so that he could say that it happened. Haha. I was too much of a wimp. I went up to the register and was just smirking with shifty eyes and we both started laughing because I didn't know what to say.

2. Someone at work was asking me if I had a limp. Not that I know of. Apparently he was serious. He said he'd keep an eye on it for me. What?

3. We lost six people to layoffs/firing just from our department this holiday. Granma was laid off, too. He was expecting it, though. I asked him the other day and he wasn't stressed at all, morely considering it a great break to do a lot of skiing. I didn't act sad about it, although I feel sad. I feel like I'll never see him again, even though we'll have chances now to get together outside of work and he'll probably be hired back eventually. I wonder if he'll accept any requests to hang out again. Who knows.

4. I'll be on vacation in Arizona starting tomorrow morning! I have to get up awfully early to make a morning flight. Still have to pack. Ugh.

5. Morning shifts again! The night crew will miss me! We were the A Team. Now that I'm gone they'll be the A- Team. Hahaha. Anyway. Once I get back from Arizona, they'll have me working mornings and doing production and washing the machines. I hate doing the job, but at least I'll be hanging out with that guy I talked about in #1 again. He's pretty fun. I would consider going out with him, definitely, if he took better care of himself outside of work. He gets drunk and stays up late all the time, it's pretty uncool of him.

6. Those issues I was having on finals week that I didn't want to discuss because of personal reasons have been resolved! Now I don't have to stress about that, either.

7. Still haven't gotten my grades back. How annoying.

8. I don't know if I'll be updating or not this week. I'll be at my grandmother's, so who knows if she'll have wifi. Probably not.

Happy Holidays!

by Kinly Steebin

Merry Christmas Eve!

by Iumazark
Work has finished their annual laying off ceremony for those freshly hired this year. I'm sure we'll hire some of ours back eventually. Anyway, I'll be working some long, hard hours from now on. Sucks.

The tradition in my family is to celebrate Christmas secularly on Christmas Eve. Which is awesome, so we don't have to wait to open presents until Christmas morning like everyone else! Hells yeah.

We had some pretty rad stuffing and turkey that my work had provided for us for doing such a good job. Yeah, right. Then we watched "It's a Wonderful Life". Such a good movie. I don't really know why, but I'm a huge fan of tearjerkers.

And I've got my haul. So far. I'll be having another Christmas with my uncle, and another with my dad and grandparents. I might put up some pictures eventually of what I got. Probably not.

I'm really happy as a Secret Santa. The guy I got my gift for really, really liked the shirt I got him! Apparently he's a big fan of Back to the Future, so the whole "My other ride has a flux capacitor" thing was spot on to his taste. It was a good guess.

My mom really liked the gifts I got her. She goes to this special clothing shop all the time; I pretty much won't wear anything in there myself, but I know what my mom likes and I got her two tops from there that she ended up loving. I also got her a ceramic vase that was handmade by art students at school, as well as a three-tiered bottle of different flavored olive oils from Harry and David.

I might have a special Christmas entry tomorrow. Probably not.

No trendsetting allowed.

by lunariya
Winter nights means frosted car windows.

I was ready to leave work, rummaging around my car with the light on trying to find my iPod, when I look up and Granma is in the middle of drawing a furry monster on my misted passenger window, with 'hi' on its chest and a heart by its head.

I couldn't stop smiling for the life of me. When he does things like this it makes it a lot harder to forget about him. He's such a tease.

My superviser just became a grandmother this morning. Believe it or not, the grandson's middle name is 'Explosion' of all things. I thought that was awesome. 'Splode' would be a completely boss nickname for him.

As for some Deathly Hallows, I only found out recently that part 1 comes out in less than a year! November 2010. Then part 2 comes out July 2011. There's a sneak preview of the Deathly Hallows movie trailer on the special edition Half-Blood Prince DVD. And it is so awesome.

I bought a gift for a coworker of mine as his Secret Santa. It's a shirt that says, "My other ride has a flux capacitor." He's a lucky dude.

Update:
OH MY GOD. My teacher gave me a B- in that terrible math class! The curve really must have been massive beyond belief. You cannot imagine how relieved I am right now! I feel like running and jumping and laughing hysterically, but it's late and I need to sleep!

I'm done!

by Olga Koffych
Want to know what's so totally boss? I'm done with finals. Hence the title. "Yeah, hence."

There's just one little itty bitty problem. I'd be surprised if I didn't flunk that one math exam I was worrying about. What I'm hoping is that the rest of the class does just as poorly as me so that the curve will be massive. It's happened before; that's how I got a B in a class where I didn't understand a thing.

Hopefully I will pass this class. Then I won't have to take any more math classes for the rest of my life. What a relief.

There's a couple of things that I feel like I need to get off my chest but is just too personal. I'll just say that Sunday was literally the worst day of my life, and it was terrible timing considering that I had the worst exams ever to study for and couldn't.

But I'm done with stressing about school and everything. Now I get to draw, take pictures, go on the internet, see friends, and play video games whenever I want. Outside of work, anyway. I even went shopping recently! Not that I really found much of anything, except for this watch!


I'd always decided against getting one because we're not allowed to wear anything like that at work... but whatever, right?

I cave.

by Nirrimi Joy
I've been utterly stressed out over my final exams for Monday. I managed to move one of them to Wednesday, but the fact of the matter is that I have no idea what's going on in one of my math classes and there is just so much stuff to remember for organic chemistry that my brain itself is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

Meanwhile, the muscles in my back are crazy tense and I'm constantly in pain during work and have to keep taking breaks to stretch and personally massage it. I told Granma this.

"Pizzas?" I make pizzas, and yes, this happens when I make them when we're busy. He was inquiring if this was the cause.
"Yeah, but school as well."
"Ah, finals week, eh."
"It's shitloadious!"

Okay, I didn't say that last part, which would have been funny, but instead he just kept standing there for a while as I was working and it was completely awkward for me. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. And apparently he is caught staring/looking at me by some of my coworkers often.

But Granma liked the bracelets I made him! He was even wearing them the next day during work; I am so glad, you have no idea.

The other night, my supervisor was closing with me and we were all leaving late so that the only cars left in this area of the parking lot were mine, my superviser's, and Granma's. But when I was walking to my car, I noticed my superviser rummaging around her car all flustered because she lost her car keys.

I got a flashlight from my car and she found out that they were inside. Granma started walking out to his car when I asked if he might have a hanger and we were all trying to find stuff that might help her break into her car but came up short. She ended up having to go back inside and see if they had anything that would help and I waited there with Granma to look after her stuff until she got back.

It was really cold and we were standing rather close when sharing pictures of some of our artworks on our iPods. I asked if we could hang out for an hour or two, but he's always made plans already when I try to be spontaneous. Sucks. At least he said sorry this time.

Well, my superviser came back out with a flimsy piece of metal that ended up not working so well. Granma and I waited with her until she got some more help from inside the store and then after twenty minutes I figured I ought to head home, so I lent her my flashlight. I found out the next day that Granma waited with her for another hour after that to use his AAA. *sigh* He's such a good guy.

For the win!

I had a lot of flashbacks yesterday. It was awesome.

Nothing much to say here except that a coworker stated that my back is shot and I need to see a chiropractor. I really am an old woman, cereally with extra milk.

This'll just be a photo reel of all of my new artistic endeavors, drawings and photography. I also totally revamped my art website (not referring to DeviantART). Enjoy, dudes.

Click to see a larger version on my DeviantART:

Too close.

by Rengim Mutevellioglu
I'd like to take the liberty to personify winter as a nun whipping my hands with a small rod.

These weeks are starting to go by slower. I don't know if it's because my brother is staying with me now for nine weeks until he gets recruited into the army or because Granma is being nice again, -ish. You know how he is.

And everyone at work seems to think we either are dating or should be, and commenting on that in front of the two of us. I'm going along with that crowd, personally, but it's not really up to me.

We're doing a secret santa thing at work in our own department and Granma was overhearing about it as I was writing up this questionaire so that my secret santa would have an idea of what to get me. One was questioning me about what I might happen to collect and I came up blank, but Granma stole the pen and paper from me and wrote "scarves" and I said, "Oh. That's true..." I do have a ridiculous number of scarves and I mentioned this to him while we were still dating in July. I was happy and surprised that he remembered such a silly thing about me.

Anyway, I asked him if he'd wear a bracelet if I made him one, and was pleasantly surprised that he nodded a yes with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. So I'll be making him two bracelets of his favorite colors, so he says: 1) dark purple with teal, and 2) baby blue.

About those three final exams I was stressing over, I've decided to take two of them early if it's possible--I emailed my professors about it and am currently awaiting their responses. I really hope they let me, otherwise I don't think I'll have any time to study for some class because I'd be stressing too much over some other, you know what I mean? But assuming I pass this terrible class, it'll be the last semester I'll be taking math. After all these terrifying upper division courses, of course I'm ready to have it all be over and done with.

Never you mind.

by Irina Vorotyntseva
So much for my Sunday update streak. I was busy at work and then once I got home I felt like running out of the house for some tapioca pudding of all things. I had my brother go along with me, but in the end we ended up getting some chocolate raspberry sticks and cookie dough, along with two bouquets of flowers that I will take pictures of either today or tomorrow. They're fargin' gorgeous.

A couple of years back, my mom and I had a family feud with my grandparents. My mom's parents have never really treated her like she was their daughter and they would play games like sending me a gift on her birthday. Of course I didn't think that was right, so I sent the gift back and we hadn't spoken in years. Meanwhile my grandma has been getting sick and one day my mom just had this feeling that she needed to go and see her... and now everyone's getting together again.

The grandparents have been getting lonely what with their near entire family rejecting them and I suppose they've changed because of it? That's what my uncle says, anyway. So we had Thanksgiving with them. I hadn't been in that house for at least five years. I felt like everything was so much smaller than it used to be; I guess I've grown a bit.

When my grandpa came up to hug me I cringed inside. I couldn't really help it.

I'm thinking of Granma less and less, and trying to see things in his perspective. Like instead of thinking that he's ignoring me on purpose, I realize that people don't smile and wave every time they see their friends. Sometimes you just walk on by. I do that a lot with other people. I just feel hurt when Granma does it to me, because we used to be more than that. But like I said, I'm getting over him little by little.

The organic chemistry exam ended up going okay for me, at least with respect to the rest of the class. The high score was a 91%, the average was a 51%, and I got an 84%. She even wrote, "Wow, very nice!" on one of the problems I did. For the win! Still, learning all these mechanisms and differentiating between them is ridonkulously difficult. I'm starting to realize what people mean when they say that o-chem is hard.

Well, chidlins. Have a good week and stay warm.

I'll be waiting.

by Dilara Serçe
According to a coworker, I have the walk of a gunslinger. Whatever that means.

The other week my mom was being all prophetic when she was warning me about gaining winter weight. Well it happened, like it always does. Not by so much quite yet, but I did notice enough for me to check on the scales. Eight pounds? Eh. I just need to go back to my old eating habits again and not consume dessert every night.

Thanksgiving week is going to suck a lot. For one thing, I have an exam the day before that fateful holiday. Thank you, oh organic chemistry professor. Thanks so much. And I am stressing about it because I hardly know much of anything at all and I hardly have time to study for it. We'll see what happens.

Granma's being a butthead again. First he's all moody and then he comes and sits by me during lunch. He doesn't really listen when I talk to him, though. I was telling him about these new shirts that I got online while he was reading some comics from the newspaper, but all he managed was a vague nod and a preposterous excuse of a courtesy laugh when I chuckled at my own joke.

Hmm... I guess he's just the type of person who needs company but not a companion, you know what I mean? He said that's what he likes about me, that I don't talk much and that it's really annoying to be around people who chatter constantly. Hah. Of course.

But I'm getting mixed opinions on what I should do about Granma. One of them says I should wait it out because she is certain our relationship will blossom again eventually. Another says that it was never meant to be because we're too different in the sense that we have different opinions of what's fun to do and what will you have after that?

Encore!

by Rengim Mutevellioglu
Weekends feel the same as weekdays to me.

If you were wondering about how that whole shopping shindig with Granma went, it never happened. No, he didn't bail or anything. I just woke up the morning after and realized how shitloadious (yes, I did make that word up just now) my to-do list was and that it would be terribly irresponsible of me to blow it all off to spend time with Granma.

And if you know me, you know I'm responsible. No matter how much I procrastinate, I always get it done by the time I need it done.

Anyway. He said that "we'll figure something out" in response to my wanting to find another day to get together. I suggested several days but he hasn't responded, and I doubt that he will. I think he's back to his ignoring-me stage again. This whole rollercoaster thing is not to my taste.

I'm planning a holiday vacation in Arizona with the grandparents. In my quest through my planner, I discovered that I had no idea when my final exams are. So I looked them up, of course, only to find that I have all three of my finals BACK TO BACK ON THE SAME DAY. Just thinking about it stresses me out, and it's still plenty of weeks away.

Golly gee whiz, mister.

by MooNyk
My left leg is falling asleep. Rather violently, however, what with the stinging.

I hope time slows down a bit again. I noticed that the month of July went by really slowly and then from August until now, time has just flown by, and the only thing that can be related to the change is that I was with Granma in July.

Maybe we're making some progress. I fake-frown at him through the window sometimes while I'm working, because that's how we roll at work. After checking to see if anyone else was around first, he cheered me up by miming himself going down an elevator. It worked. He was pretty cute.

A coworker I don't like much or see often asked us if we were dating. I don't know what Granma did, but I just said no rather quietly. Afterwards I thought I should have said, "I wish!" but you never think of the best thing to say at the most opportune time.

But after that, he stopped to talk to me for no reason whatsoever. He's got a maintenance position now, so he was getting a wet washcloth from the breakroom while I was up there and sat beside me suddenly, just looking at me while I was listening to music on my iPod and then asked how I was.

"Uh. I'm pretty good. Are you on your break?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Alright. What's that for?" I asked, indicating the damp cloth laying across his knee.

"I've got to clean the tops of the vending machines downstairs."

"Sucks for you."

And the he gets up to leave to do said chore. I thought that was rather out of character for him, but I certainly didn't mind some sort of attention. Like instead of walking past the window without looking, he full on turns his body towards me and sticks his tongue out, now. He's more playful and less evasive. I like it.

I saw him leaving at the end of the night and he stopped to talk to me even though we were walking in separate directions.

"I didn't know we were getting out early tonight, so I was working hella slow."

"You didn't finish then?"

"Nope."

Then we started walking off on our own ways before I turned and shouted to him even though there were other people around.

"Want to hang out tomorrow!?"

He turns around, "Yeah, sure." Then keeps walking and remembers, "When?"

"After work."

"I'm meeting up with my parents after work."

"Oh." Then I turn to walk away, and then back, "What about before work then? I don't start until 3!"

By this time we were probably 50 feet away, shouting at each other, it was really ridiculous.

"I don't start until 1:30. Want to go to the mall?" At least, I think that's what he said.

"Yeah, okay. Email me!" And I had to rush off because I was holding everyone else up, but smiling like mad.

I don't want to make a big deal of it though, especially if it's not in the end. I try not to give my hopes up, but sometimes I just can't help it.

My email:
what are you shopping for? and when! and how!
i feel camera trigger happy so lemme take your picture, pleeease. pretty please?
oh, man. i'm gonna kick your butt if you don't respond to this email, too.

But he did email me back for the first time in two months:
well i responded, just three hrs later haha. i need to pick up a new pair of shoes. pics only if you got the velvet. bed time i'll call you in the morning.. smell you later

Velvet, referring to the incident where I asked to take his portrait before, and he said that he'd do it only if he was shirtless and laying in velvet. Ha-larious.

Should I be excited but potentially give my hopes up again? We're acting like we were before we started going out, again. Oh, I don't know. But I am currently rather happy.

Oh. It's November.

by Maria
I ended up not doing anything at all for Halloween. That's right, I didn't even watch any classic Halloween movies. I just sat on my bed with this computer on my lap reading Naruto manga until 1:30 in the morning.

Charissa keeps asking me thinks about why Granma is in such in such a mood and I always seem to have an answer for her. This sort of surprised me, because I didn't think we were talking enough for me to know things like this about him, but apparently we are. Which is nice, I guess. I was even grouchy and giving him dirty looks the whole day for reasons of a cruddy work day, but he still came to sit by me without me having to summon him over like I usually do.

He keeps doing annoying things, though, like removing his shirt in front of me, which is rather torturous when all I was really thinking about before was how much I wanted to just go over and touch him. Sometimes I think he does this on purpose. I've really got to confront him about it. "Look, you're giving me ideas when you do these things, so either stop torturing me or make out with me for freaks' sake." But he'd probably just stop torturing me, which would not have been the plan.

Granma said he was going to a Halloween party again this weekend. He's got a penguin costume, so it's like this long dress sort of thing that you have to waddle in, apparently. I thought that was pretty much awesome. What wasn't awesome was that Granma was sporting a 'stache of all things. I guess it was to "appear more mature" for some reason. Well, a bunch of people dressed up at work. One guy dressed as a woman, shaved legs and all. He had kids asking him if he was a man or a woman and was often told by the supervisors to stop touching himself. Ha-larious.

I've been having an exam every week these past couple of weeks, it's ridiculous. And here my mom is trying to get me to clean the bathroom and she's sitting on her bum crocheting. I could use a little help sometimes, too. But then again, here I am on this blog. Procrastinating. So. Whatever.

Yeah, so my fingers are numb.

by Alicja Rodzik
I came out of the bedroom this morning adorned in a hat, scarf, and sweater since it was so windy the day before and my mom thinks I won't need any of it. Well guess what. I'm still freezing my arse off. So there.

I'd like to do something for Halloween, but parties are not my thing and I'm too old to trick or treat, unfortunately. And I don't really know what else there is to be done on Halloween, so I get to stay home and buy candy for the little kiddies because my mom refuses to participate on this particular holiday. She's such a party pooper.

I know that a bunch of you, like myself, are Harry Potter fans, but I don't know if any of you read fanfiction? I have a weird preference myself, a Hermione/Severus ship. Yeah, I hear those sniggers, but seriously, it usually works out because they just fit if you've never thought about it before.

I've got a couple of favorite stories if you want to read them. They do have a couple of romantically raunchy chapters each, though. Not that that's a bad thing. Hurhur. But you'll need to have an account to read the R rated fictions, so you can borrow mine! Yay! Just don't abuse it, I tell you, like sending weird messages to the authors.

username: pherenike
password: xVmXUNYRum

The Phantom of Hogwarts
This story sort of mashes together some Phantom of the Opera with Harry Potter via the students of Hogwarts putting on the play for a triwizard competition between themselves, Durmstrang, and Beauxbatons. However, Severus is unexpectedly (not!) cast as the phantom while Hermione is cast as Christine Daae. Since they play opposite each other, they have to spend quite a bit of time together, ahem ahem. WARNING: This story is ridiculously long. I mean, if you were to copy and paste this story into a word document, it would probably be more than two thousand pages. And it's still going. So good luck!

The Problem With Purity
This is one of my favorites because the characters' personalities are so true to canon and the storyline is clever and original, and I love how the relationships between characters is so believable. Hermione and Harry both find out that they are both considered Pure Adults, a term given to those witches and wizards who are still virgins by the time they turn 17. According to the author, that's a very rare condition amongst the wizarding population, as the last Pure Adult was alive several hundred years prior, and so the two of them try to keep this a secret from the rest of wizarding society.

Stomping on egg shells.

by Mariah Helena Kordzadze
I was reading up on an old friend's profile on facebook and he wrote in his "about me" section, the following: "I get really upset when complete strangers don't go out of their way to make my life easier." Cracked the heck up. It was a good laugh.

On a more serious note, I'm opening up a lot more to the people around me about my personal life.

Charissa: Hey, what's wrong?
Me: Oh, I feel like crap. I need a nap, advil, and a snuggle. So, I'm probably PMSing.
Charissa: Dude, I know what you mean. Don't you have a snuggle buddy, eh?
Me: Not anymore.
Charissa: Well, what happened!

This is where the blow by blow of the whole of my relationship between myself and Granma took place. Every last detail, pretty much everything I've said on this blog during the months of July and August, and then some. But instead of saying things like "what a deuche bag" in response, she says, "If you ask me, he was just scared."

(I gave her a look.)
Charissa: No, I'm serious. I have tons of guy friends and they dump their girlfriends because they're not ready for a serious relationship yet. I mean, they're too scared to have a relationship that they'd let the perfect girl for them go just like that? That's ridiculous. And you two have so much in common; no wonder you like him so much!
Me: You know what's really exhausting? There hasn't been a single day since I've met him that I haven't thought about him. Not one day.
(Granma walks past the window and winks at me.)
Me: Oh, God. He just winked at me.
Charissa: Did you smile back at him?
Me: Myep.
Charissa: You two are so cute.
Me: Yeah, shut up.
Charissa: Girl, I'll tell you this. I'm convinced that over time the two of you will bloom.
(I laughed out loud, for sure.)
Charissa: No! Seriously, you both get along so well even after you've been through a break up, sitting together during your lunches... And he must have really liked you enough to have gone on at least six dates with you and make out with you and everything. It's going to happen.

So with all this talk about Granma, I was inspired to get us to hang out again. After work when he was driving out of the parking lot, he waited for me to approach the car where I asked if he'd have time for dinner.

But he had a pained look on his face before he said no, that he's going to a costume party. I don't know if the pained look was for the reason that he would actually have wanted to have dinner with me and couldn't, or for the reason that he's pained that I'm still trying to be with him even though we're clearly not together anymore. I don't know what to think.

But after I asked him, I realized that I'm now in the mindset of, "Who cares if we broke up before? I want to go out with him now." Which is dumb. Cute, but dumb.

Anyway, I'm glad I had this talk with Charissa so that someone knows what's going on and can give me advice, show sympathy, and help motivate me. I never would have thought I needed to tell all of this to someone in person (no offense you all), but I feel so much better after having done so.

Purely for show.

Well, I'm supposed to be studying for my organic chemistry exam that's on Monday, but instead I am writing this entry mainly because I found another amazing artist on DeviantART whose work I just wanted to share that badly.







by Christine Amat
She has other works besides landscapes, but I think they're her best. I love the first one especially, it's perfect. Perfect! AHH!

No one really wins.

by Bee
My mom is so strange. I was studying anxiously for this exam that was on Monday and we had a conversation about wanting to change the layout in my room while I was breaking for lunch. She surprised me when I got home from work by cleaning my whole room because I didn't have time to do it. She's such a sweetie sometimes.

Anyway, she's strange because she can go from really sweet, like this, to someone completely illogical. She walked in with a basket of my freshly laundered sheets and so I got up to make the bed. Then she called in my step dad and declared that they were moving my furniture around, when she had already explicitly said that we would plan a day to do such a thing after school is out in December. Yet here she was, getting ready to work on my bedroom when I need to study. So... I was pretty much half grateful and half angry.

But anyway, the room makes more sense, now. I like it. And I think I might have actually not failed miserably on that exam. And I'm not exaggerating or anything, I'm aiming to just pass this class; I have no expectations. It's way too difficult to teach yourself such difficult material because the teacher is too lazy to help properly.

Where The Wild Things Are was interesting. Max is so adorable, a typical little kid who is starving for attention from his family and runs away to a world where he can be king. There really isn't much to the story plot-wise, to be honest; the movie is simply a presentation of the relationships between the characters. It was a picture book after all. But! It was still supercuteawesome.

Ever heard "Photosynthesis Rocks" by The Whomping Willows? It rules all schools.

The word "epic" has gotten old, hasn't it?

by Monika Skalak
I propose bringing back the word "tight". I used to say "that's tight" all the time in elementary school and it has fallen into some sort of abyss and we must rescue it! Why? I don't know, I'm just being nostalgic again.

I parked my car on campus and there's a pathway that's lined with trees that I take on my way to class. As I walk along I realize that each of these trees are staring at me with googly eyes. You know, the ones your elementary school teachers supplied you during your arts and crafts session? Literally, each tree had a pair of googly eyes and of course I couldn't help but giggle. I just really appreciate the sort of people who go about and do silly things like this to make others smile.

The sky looks like it's about to rain, but I'm sitting outside anyways, however wrapped up in a scarf and drinking peppermint hot chocolate. I heard it's supposed to start raining tomorrow, so I'm hoping I don't get rained on now, but I'm next to a building in case the weather people made a mistake and I need to make a quick gettaway.

Granma and I raced each other yesterday after work. I felt like sprinting and he agreed to race me. I was pretty sure he'd be fast because he's got that sort of a build and his legs get a work out every day at work, so I wasn't expecting to win. And I didn't, but sprinting makes me feel so good, even if I am panting like crazy afterwards. Granma didn't share this belief so much, but I'm hoping he'll keep racing me until I beat him. Heh, who knows, it could happen. I didn't lose by that much after all.

I'm looking forward to seeing Where The Wild Things Are. Although, I hardly remember the book as I haven't read it since I was so small.

Slap him in the face, already.

by Deniz Akseki
Some people are described as having a 'dry' sense of humor. As opposed to a 'wet' sense of humor? What on earth does that mean?

I went on to ratemyprofessors.com in order to strongly discourage anyone from taking this certain professor of mine and ended up laughing so hard that my face was almost stuck that way. Why? Because everyone has the same opinions as I do concerning the man. Here are some examples:

"[Mr. X], a nice person, is the worst teacher I have ever had, and probably the worst teacher alive. His inability to answer questions will leave you wanting to throw chalk at him, again horrible professor. Any time I asked a question, he would laugh literally in my face, it sounds like a joke but its the truth and nothing but the truth."

"Guy's boring. He sounds like a cross between Elmer Fudd and Adam Sandler's character in The Waterboy. He knows his stuff, for the most part, but he's one of those few that probably shouldn't be teaching. He's kind of condecending as well, although he will help if you ask him to."

"He laughs at students when they don't understand something and tells other students how poorly you do (privacy violation). Very rude and condescending. Won't listen to your question and interrupts you before you can ask it. Talks too much about his research and connections."

Seriously. Worst. Teacher. Ever. EVER.

Here, have a chill pill.

by Metin Demiralay
It's a listy kind of day.

1. 98% on Real Analysis Midterm #1 :D
2. 87% on Organic Chemistry Midterm #1 :D
3. Avg. 56% on Linear Algebra homeworks D:
4. Kiwi iced tea from Java City :)
5. No more Naruto to watch :(
6. Fall is here :)
7. Dent in the back of my brand new car D:
8. Using poladroid.net up the heezy, thanks Lizzie :)

Wait--what?! DENT IN THE NEW CAR?!

I know. I was showing my car to one of my coworkers who didn't know I bought it and he was checking it out and noticed a hand-sized dent in the back. Luckily, it looks like it can pop back fairly simply, but seriously?! I've only had it for two months and someone has already had the inclination to damage the thing? Pure ridiculosity.

Only a little bit hopeful.

by Judith Sombilon
I'm feeling a little better about things. I'm not stressing over linear algebra anymore because I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably not going to pass and so I don't have much in the realm of high expectations. Meanwhile, I'm doing great in my other classes, and that makes me feel good.

Granma is being a tiny bit more of a better friend, too. He actually accepted one of my requests to hang out the other day. We didn't do much of anything, because it was late and after work, so we just watched a couple of episodes of The Simpsons and were laying still in bed and in silence for quite some time. I suppose he probably fell asleep for a bit, but I couldn't shut my eyes if I wanted to.

I think that's all I really needed from him: some sort of confirmation that we are at least sort of friends, still, after our break up. I got a good hug from him at the end of the night. I'm not expecting anything along the lines of his liking me again, although I wonder what ever happened with that. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that I'm doing just fine.

That's my kind of spectator sport.

by Laina
A coworker and myself were on our breaks when we started mulling over things like how different people are in personality and appearances, and a "When I look in the mirror, is that really my face?" sort of thing. I was telling her how artists tend to think of these sorts of things more often than others because artists who draw portraits of people have to take notice of those differences when they're doing their work, otherwise they'd make everyone look exactly the same.

Not so much.

by Alicja Rodzik
I need a different job. Where I'm working restricts what I wear to shabby, torn up and bleached out clothing, my hair is always in a manner of disarray, and I'm not allowed to wear jewellery. This is all fine and dandy, really, but after two years, you kind of just want a day for yourself to just look as pretty as you want to. And I have a thing for rings, so not being able to wear them ever isn't very fun.

I'm doing a better job at ignoring Granma back. It feels like how it was before we started talking, just waving every once in a while and not bothering over conversations, only that heavy attraction and nervousness I used to have in those situations are nearly gone. I think it's what he wanted all along, though. Makes me sad.

Goosebumps.

by Lilyana Karadjova
It seems I have my own personal shoe lace gremlin. Every other time I looked at my shoes yesterday, the laces were untied and being stepped on. I used to tie my shoe laces with two knots, both in order not to deal with this problem and because of friends coming up to me during lunch to secretly untie them while I was hiding behind a book. But for some reason I felt determined not to.

I used to have a sock monster when I was little. Every time my clothes went through the laundry, some sock went missing in the process. My mom's socks were fine, as well as my brother's, but mine? No. They were cruelly snatched away.

There's a couple of new photographs in my DeviantART gallery. I had a mini-shoot of a glass of cold green tea with mint leaves floating at the top. This one is my favorite.

You know what I could use right now? Some hot cocoa. Even though it's hot outside, the air conditioning here and this ceiling fan blowing cool air at me are making my digits nippy. Off I go.

What an inarticulate mess of things.

I used to have a blog with AOL RED Blogs called Knave (previously Thaumaturge) that I had for two years or so. I was becoming nostalgic and all, so I went to view it but could not, either because I'm no longer a person with a teen aol account or because it has been deleted out of not being used. It's a shame. I was determined not to delete it for all of the memories within that blog, too.

A bunch of irritating things happened this week regarding college that piled up on top of me and I caved. There was just too much pressure. But I fixed things today and I'm more calm and collected, so I'm okay.

I want to start featuring works of art I've favorited on DeviantART here. So. I'll do that from now on.


by Volontir Tatiana

I'm no film critic, but here goes.

One thing worse than being sick is having to do homework while being sick. One thing worse than that is having to do a homework assignment that takes four hours to complete while being sick. Yeah. Go me.

Outside of that unpleasantness, I have watched a few movies recently.

Saint Ralph
This kid named Ralph is a rebellious kid at a Catholic school whose father is deceased and whose mother is in the hospital. In this story, Ralph attempts to rid himself of all of his sins and perform a task miraculous enough to bring his mother back to good health: win the prestegious Boston Marathon, despite his utter lack of a background in or previous desire for running.
I'll just say the story made me tear up a bit. That's something that's pretty consistent with me: I always tear up when I'm supposed to. Anyway, it's a recommendation those who have yet to see Saint Ralph. 4/5

Into The Wild
Alexander Supertramp named himself after casting away his identity as a college graduate in a publically happy family with internal secrets. He never spoke to them again, he gave his life savings to charity, burned his cash, ditched his car, and hitched rides all over the country in search of life experiences and adventure.


I love this movie. While it is rather slow in parts, this bildungsroman is incredibly inspirational and full of wisdom, love, peace, and beauty. A super recommendation. 4.5/5

The Pianist
This movie is so utterly brutal but very well done, about a famous Jewish pianist named Wladyslaw Szpilman in the midst of the Warsaw Ghetto of World War II and his struggle to survive.
Most of this movie consists of dead bodies, gun fights, and terrible injustices, so I wouldn't recommend this movie if you're terribly squeamish. However, if you can man it up, the story of this man's life is quite extraordinary. 4/5

Phoebe in Wonderland
A cute little girl named Phoebe is engrossed in her own world surrounding the story and characters of Alice in Wonderland and strives to do her best to get into the school play put on by her beloved drama teacher. However, her bahavioral problems at school and home worry her parents and other teachers enough for Phoebe to have sessions with a psychiatrist.
This movie is rather charming and offbeat, not utterly fantastic. 3/5

Cashback
A college art student breaks up with his girlfriend and thinks about her way too much, enough to turn him into an insomniac. To pass the time, he gets a night shift at a grocery store. The boredom is devastating, but he manages to come up with a way to make it more tolerable: he stops time entirely and draws portraits of women.


Very cool movie. It's totally unique and artsy, the relationships and characters are great, and the ending is cereally super duper. 5/5

Keith

This movie actually stars Jesse McCartney of all people, but he actually does a pretty good job at acting on top of his singing career. Keith is a socially awkward kid who is paired up in chem lab with a super popular girl Natalie. She thinks she's got it all figured out until Keith shows her a different way of thinking about life and the future, and she ends up falling for him while her past life as a popular, smart, pretty, and athletically talented girl goes down the drain.


I fargin' love this movie to no end. I'm sort of a sucker for teenage romances, first loves, tragedies, and awkward boys, but the story itself, especially towards the end, is bloody amazing. One of the last scenes at the bus station? Pull out that tissue box, man. 5/5

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Yeah, I know! I only just saw this movie, I'm so depressed. Took me so long. I'm not used to Jim Carrey being in a serious role, but he actually does it pretty well. This love story is so incredibly bizarre, and you don't really know what's going on with all these little snippets of their lives and experiences until the near end of the movie. But it's pretty cool. I only wish the execution of the movie could have been better, and I hate Kirsten Dunst, but I'll just have to get over that. 3.5/5

Okay, that's enough of that. Have a good day.
*snifflecoughsniffle*

Elmo loves you.

I had a couple of interesting dreams last night. One of which I was here on my blog and found out that I suddenly had 73 comments on my previous post. Yeah. Dream on.

Another dream was about Granma, go figure. Nothing scandalous, though. But it was legitimate to dream about him again because yesterday he actually took the time to stop and talk to me after work the other day. I was kind of surprised because he's been seemingly ignoring me recently unless I initiate a conversation. So as a result I've been doing my best to ignore him as well. I'm not very good at it.

I figured I'd ask again if he'd have time to hang out that night but he said he had homework to do. This was the time to ask the question that's been on my mind for ages:

"Tell me one thing, is the answer always going to be no?" So far it has been.

He grimaced and looked up into the sky, saying umm and nothing else for a good ten seconds, because apparently he is that busy. He proceeded in spouting out his schedule this week, you know. But then asked me to see a movie with him on Sunday if he doesn't see one with his brother.

I wanted to punch him in the face and make out with him at the same time, but ended up just nodding vaguely instead. I don't like being a last resort, but I don't like not being with him either. I feel utterly pathetic.

Off of the topic of Granma, one of my coworkers sent me a couple of funny videos to check out, one of which is ha-larious, let me tell you:

I forgot the punchline.

A couple of months ago I started watching Naruto from the beginning, and it was all fine and dandy up until Sasuke left. Then it was all a bunch of lameness and pointless fillers, so I skipped the last thirty episodes or so and went straight on through to Naruto Shippuden. This is when pure awesomeness commenced. Everyone is so much cooler when they're more grown up. I'm just anxious for more of Sasuke. He's such a stud muffin. Grrrawr.


FALL IS COMING.
I'm excited. I can't wait to wear all of my scarves. Not all at once, of course. That'd just be plain silliness. But I should try it anyways just for kicks.

Some girl at work heard I'm into photography and asked if she could model for me some time. Sounds pretty bomb to me; I'm tired of taking pictures of just me and my cat. My mom thinks I should charge her for my services, but I'm thinking we're both doing each other a favor here. She wants some pictures of herself and I want some pictures for my gallery. 'Nuff said.

Ha-larious comic to check out. That's my kind of sense of humor.

Wow. Really.

Precious, no? Granma sent that to me a couple of weeks ago when I told him to entertain me in some way.

I feel like an extremely dense ball of angst right about now.

Basically I'm still pining over Granma after this whole month of not having gone out with him. I still think about him all the freakin' time and it is killing me to no end.

When he broke up with me, one of the things he said was that he's not up for a serious relationship right now, and I understand that. But now I feel like I'm so desparate for his attentions that I probably wouldn't mind just being friends with benefits, because really, I miss us just holding each other. So either I somehow win him back or I just need to go out with someone else, but unfortunately, I'm really picky about who I get close to and it seems like Granma is being incredibly evasive. So I'm out of luck. Hence the angst ball.

Some guy I used to work with a couple of years back asked me what was wrong just as you guys did, and I told him, so he emailed me back with what he felt was mandatory advice whether I use it or not:

i don't want to say stuff like 'its gonna be ok' cause its up to you. i can't really talk much about relationships either, i haven't been in one for over 6 years. only things i am familiar with is the pain and the loneliness that you feel. if life hands you a bag of lemons, fuck it, bail.

take in all the frustration and anger. cry, shout, roar, hit stuff (preferably not someone else). take it in, learn from it, meditate on it then let it go. you got other shit to do. hell, draw stuff about it. make something beautiful out of something so ugly.

you are smart, artsy, off beat and fucking hot. you are awesome, don't let anybody tell you anything different. well maybe if it's better than what i wrote.

anyways, that's the advice. hoped it helped or at least amused you.

Seems kind of silly to me.

Happy September.

I finally finished my online medical terminology course. After taking the final exam, though, nothing really happened, so I don't know what will happen next. Do they send me some sort of congratulatory letter of recognition for finishing the course? Who knows.

While I was taking the final exam though, I was looking up some terms and came across something called spontaneous pneumothorax. It's a condition in which air or gas collects in the space between the lungs and the chest that prevents the lung from inflating completely, causing sudden sharp chest pain, shortness of breath, chest tightness, rapid heart rate, and could surface with anxiety, tension, and stress, but mainly occurs during rest or sleep. Spontaneous pneumothorax occurs with no traumatic injury and can occur in people without any sort of lung disease, often in tall, thin, young people. And it sounds like what I've got.

Unfortunately, I probably have to ride it out, if it is what I have. The only sort of "prevention" I can take outside of not smoking looks like some sort of procedure called pleurodesis, which could keep air and fluid from building around the lungs to prevent collapses. Somehow. I don't know.

Anyway, I'll go to the health center on campus Thursday and have them do some tests to see if that's what is wrong with me. I'm not going to my physician anymore because it's just ridiculously expensive for what little they do or find out. The health center on campus is free if you're a student, you see. It's included in the tuition. So maybe I'll finally get a diagnosis and some treatment after all these years? I hope so.

Maybe next time.

Thank you Scarlett for being too nice to me.

I suppose I shall pass this on to Eliza, as she is such a gifted writer, and despite the fact that she doesn't update as often as we'd like her to, her blog Occasionally Tuesday Morning radiates sweetawesomeness up the wazoo.

I've lost some weight, which is good, because now I'm right where I want to be. I'm not too skinny and not too fat. Is good. And I went bra shopping the other day. Apparently it was a good idea to because when I was fitted, I found out that I'm a 32C instead of a 34B. Yeah, so I bought two pretty bras; one I got is to the left. I've never had pretty bras before, they've all usually been just plain and white or black. So. I'll have to get some plain bras, too, and get rid of my other ones or just stash them somewhere in case some day I get chubbier and my boobs shrink.

Lizzie's awesome taste in music led me to City and Colour. If you like them too, you should create a Pandora station in their name and all the music will pretty much rule all schools. Thanks, Lizzie.

School starts next Monday. I'm excited for two reasons: less work at... work. And secondly, I shall be taking the last two classes I need to finish up my math major. It actually feels like I'm almost done with all of this. But really, I'm not, because I still have a year of general education to finish up before I can graduate, and then I'm going into medical school for four years.

Which reminds me. Granma mispoke last time when he said he was going to my school, it was actually a different one. But he didn't get into any of the classes anyway because he made the decision to become a nurse so late, and then he got a job as a model in the art department for the time being. He was trying to tease me and say that he'd be in the nude on occasion. God. So anyway, he'll be at work with me for a year before he starts up the nursing program next fall. Is good.

My best friend Lelu shall be headed off to some other college somewhere mid September, so we're planning an old school sleep over. And then we probably won't see each other for quite some time. I'll still have one old friend in town after she leaves. Just one, though. Unless she's going off to university too and I just hadn't heard about it. Ah, shucks. I'll try to be less of a sourpuss in the future.

As boring as elevator music.

School starts up again next Monday. All of my good friends are leaving town or have already gone. Before I went out with Granma, I didn't mind being to myself so much, but after actually being with someone, you develop a taste for it so much that there's now this new urge to find someone to be with, and now I actually do feel alone.

I was conveying this to my work friend the other day via myspace messaging, and he said he recognized the feeling. He was trying to help me feel better by giving me advice, saying things like, "Do things you wouldn't normally do, stupid things you can only do when you're young. Spend time with people you don't." Et cetera, et cetera, but I know all these things, and that's what I've been trying to change about myself over the past several years. And I have had my small victories in tiny bits of progress.

I keep thinking something is wrong with me, but my work friend says I think too much. He says that a lot. And I've liked this guy pretty much since day one but he's had a girlfriend the whole time up until about a month ago. I wouldn't dare impose myself on him now though, because I know he doesn't want to date coworkers and I think it would only make him feel awkward, especially since he's been hit on a lot recently. So instead we practice subtle flirting and jokingly call each other "honey" and "dear". Maybe it's better that way.

I feel like sharing a couple of my favorite things.

Circa Survive.
They've been my favorite band for a good and solid five years, now. It's interesting, because the first time I heard them, I thought they were too weird, but once I took the time to listen properly and get used to them as an idea, I liked them. And then I loved them; nearly all of their songs move me. I discovered recently that they have a channel on youtube with several awesome jam sessions. Here's a recent one:



Iumazark.
This is an artist I found on DeviantART whose artwork I find inspirational and original. I love how carefree the lineart is; I've always wished that I could do the same, but I'm too careful. Check out the page: http://iumazark.deviantart.com.



And just a funny video I watched for my anatomy and physiology course. It's worth checking out, trust me.

Oh, blubber.

I had yet another bout of hysterics this morning. I was studying some medical terminology, like I ought to, and stated a fact read verbatim from the textbook when my mother says so matter-of-factly, "No" as if it were so obviously not the case. It really isn't all that hilarious, but I laughed myself into a stupor just the same. My mom thought I was going insane, something I often come to the conclusion about her.

It turns out Granma is going to the same school as me this semester, which is awesome. He's looking into becoming a male nurse, apparently, which is pretty cool. Then we can hang out more often, because I haven't really seen him properly in ages outside of the brief hello's as we pass by each other, and I can help him study some things since I've already taken the classes he's going to take. He's waving fanatically at me again at work; I missed that. We're definitely on friendly terms again, and it makes me so happy.

I still think about him all the time, though. You know, in a romantic sense. I'll need to get over that. Everyone was telling me it's a good thing that we broke up since he didn't show me enough attention or interest, but I miss the feeling of being with him. I keep wanting to say, "Hey, let's get back together" just so I can cuddle up with him under a blanket while watching some obscure movie on pay per view.

Last night was the third night in a row that I had a dream about him, only to find when I wake up that it never happened. That's what tears me apart the most. My subconscious is killing me slowly.

I think I've mentioned my chest pain before? Have I? Anyway, I've had this chest pain for probably five years now, a really sharp sort of throbbing that is intensified when I breathe in deeper, but breathing in all the way is the only means of getting rid of it. This pain is very sporadic in nature; it can show up anywhere from a couple of times a day to once a month, lasting anywhere from a millisecond to thirty seconds. One time it was fifty minutes. That scared the hell out of me, as you can imagine.

The doctors don't know what it is, though. I've had an echocardiogram done and they have ruled out my heart from that little procedure, despite the fact that I wasn't having any pain during the procedure. I didn't suppose it would have shown up anyway, but they seem pretty adamant that it would have shown up if there was some sort of heart problem.

So, who knows what it is. I think they've given up, and I've given up on them. They all seem so unreliable, especially when they charge me so much money for finding out absolutely nothing. I feel like I've just got to ride it out, and some day I'll probably die from some ambiguous disease in twenty years. But I don't think I want to live too old, anyway. I haven't quite made up my mind about that yet.

What the frkhghasldf.

I was going to see District 9 with the supposedly cool kids at work, but they all flaked so I ended up doing laundry and studying me some medical terminology. But hey, at least now I have clean clothes and I know that "encephalorrhaphy" is the suturing of the brain.

My dad came and visited me, too, yes. I spent a lot of money on things.

Purchases:

1. 2 "amber" candles with 2 candle holders.
2. A lap desk with a pillowy underside and space for pencils on the top.
3. A book light clip that I will probably use with #2 for homework and drawing on my bed.
4. A new purse. Mind, I hate purses, but my other one was overused and it always took longer than necessary to find various items because the thing was like a sort of abyss. Plus, this new purse is more grown-up looking, what with the leather, and it goes with everything.
5. A book filled with a collection of hard and very challenging level sudoku puzzles.
6. A sort of ballerina slipper/sock thing, grey with two little black buttons on top near the toes.
7. A filing case. Now I feel so grown up.
8. Lemon iced tea icebreakers. They're pretty much bomb.
9. A set of mini woodless colored pencils that fit within a CD case.
10. A navy blue knee length trenchcoat. Unfortunately the only size available was a large, but I think I'll manage. At least it's roomy.
11. 2 All Time Low albums.

But to think that I still have to go buy textbooks soon, too? A math and a chemistry book, each on their own are always ridiculously expensive. Sucksalot.

My dad bought me a pad for my mattress so I don't have to feel the springs anymore. Ohmagah, it is so pillowy.

We also went out to eat a lot so I pretty much ate way more than I should have, because my belly was fairly rotund afterwards and I had a sort of wobble about me as I walked. And we watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which I had intended to watch twice anyway. Then we went to the park and took a bunch of pictures, too.





So overall it was fun, with the exception of his incessant ramblings about his crazy philosophies. He really does push his ideas on you. Like when he's talking to you and you avert your eyes to the right or left, his whole body moves that way a bit so that you will keep looking at him. He's really... yeah.

I'm getting even older, now.

Sometimes when I look at my hands, I suddenly see them as if they were an old woman's, deep wrinkles and fragile appearance in all.

Granma and I broke up, although it was to be expected. We figured that, yes, we do have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company, but we want different things, and that just doesn't work out in serious relationships. While it made me a little sad, I was not completely distraught, so I think he did a pretty good job of being gentle about the issue. We are still going to be friends, though, and I sense no awkwardness to follow, because I regret absolutely nothing.

I'm surprised how mature I'm being about this. Usually in my past "relationships" or whatever they were, I tended to avoid the person in question after "breaking up", but I have a feeling that won't happen this time around. Granma and I acted like just friends when we hung out most of the time anyway, with the exception of one time we snogged like crazy, but that experience felt like a completely different relationship/person/time. Does that make any sense? Like it is completely disassociated with the friendship part of Granma that I experienced. I don't know.

My dad is visiting for a few days. We're going to hang out after my morning shifts today and tomorrow, and then go to Great America on Saturday, my day off. Friday I'm going to see District 9 with some work buddies; should be fun. I invited Granma to come along, we'll see what he does.

Better late than never.

7 Interesting Things About Myself

1. I'm a sucker for scarves, currently owning thirteen. Although, I would have fourteen would it not be for the fact that I had lost one. Twas one of my favorites, too; I got it in the men's department. Anyway, to the left is my own personal scarf monster. She's really shy, obviously. In her spare time, she smokes and tempts trails of ants to sneak into the closet using imaginary bits of donuts.

And, big news, I am currently making my first scarf ever. I don't know crocheting lingo, so bear with me. My grandma taught me how to crochet a single chain when I was really small, so that's pretty much all I ever knew how to do, and I ended up making this elongated skinny purple chain of yarn that stretched from one end of the house to the other.

But recently, my mom taught me how to go back and forth and make different patterns depending on which threads you pull and loop, so now I can make a simple rectangular shape, and therefore a scarf. This makes me happy. It will turn out swimmingly, I'm sure.

2. I'm a fan of sprinting. I used to be cool like The Fonz when it came to running. In middle school, I would race all the boys during lunch and kick ass, of course. Sometimes I'd end up going so fast it felt like I ought to have been flying, it was fantastic. Then in high school I'd race friends during PE, and sometimes I even get to race someone at work now, if anyone feels up to it. I sometimes find myself with this urge to just run as fast as I can. It's been a while, though.

3. I can make a Jacob's Ladder in six seconds. I developed this skill out of boredom and my friends' and I's competitive natures while travelling on a bus to a girl scout camp in fifth grade. By the way, Girl Scouts sucked a bunch.

4. There was a family reunion over in Norway when I was eleven that I managed to attend. Luckily, many people spoke English, so I didn't feel like a complete outsider. I ended up learning how to count to ten in Norwegian, as well as acquired a scar on my right elbow from slipping on tile at a pool hall. There was blood everywhere. Yeah. Okay, it wasn't like a massacre, but I couldn't so much as tap my elbow for a good week or two without a lot of pain. And the scar is still there. So you know that old wivestale about scars being on your skin for seven years before going away? Totally mythological.

5. The other day I found my old Gameboy Color in my junk drawer. Isn't it funny how things like this bring back so many memories? Like when I saw it, I had flashbacks of being a heck of a lot younger and sitting on the floor beside my bunkbed, listening to Alien Ant Farm and playing Zelda on this Gameboy. And my mom used to play Tetris pretty much all the time on it, too. She gasped when she saw me bring out Tetris for her and started cooing and pleading for me to let her play. It was adorable.

6. If I were rich, I would have a gigantic t-shirt collection of witty quotes, dry humor, cutesy things, or pure awesomeness. Currently in my possession, "Size Matters" and "Teamwork":

And here's even a wishlist:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

7. For those of you who don't know, I used to make comics on top of the drawing and photography. The main character's name is Lemonii, who is often accompanied by Appul. Guest stars include Professor Lemonii and Dr. Peanut. For a full set of comics, see my specialized DeviantART.

Shake it off.

It took quite some time, but we eventually talked. The night I sent Granma that email, it was his birthday and he was out having fun with his friends while I had to sleep because I was getting up early the next day for work. Legitimately, he didn't check his email when he got back home late, nor the next morning when he felt hung over, nor when he got home tired from work and went straight to bed. The next morning, however, he did respond to that wretched email I sent, and with much sympathy, but thought it would be better to have a serious talk in person.

I went to his house this morning to discuss everything concerning the both of us, and I realized that he had more concerns than I do.

He is nervous about our situation, that we really are so different that he has two separate worlds: being with me, and being with his friends. He feels uncomfortable choosing one over the other on his limited days off from work, and he's worried that we'll eventually drift apart because of it and that I might get hurt.

Meanwhile, he feels "cynical" over the fact that we have a four and a half year age difference and that being "my first one" at some point makes him nervous over such responsibility, but his "nice" side wants to say screw it because he really does like me as I like him. He's also completely geniune and will never cheat on me.

I told him I still want to be with him, despite everything, that I won't ever make him choose between me and his friends, and that I'd even be willing to try new things like wakeboarding so he doesn't have to split these worlds completely. And age means absolutely nothing to me, in fact, I prefer that he's a couple of years older so that he has gotten over most of his immaturity.

I figured that he's still iffy about us and doesn't know what to think yet, so I told him to tell me when he is sure either way, that I like where we're at now in this relationship and I don't want to progress any further until he knows what he wants, but to take his time because I'm patient and in no hurry myself.

Over all, we're on good terms and still want to see each other, so this is really awesome news. I like him a lot, he's a surprisingly good guy for his alwayswannabecooltwentysomethingyearold exterior.

As for the tag, I'll prepare seven awesomely interesting things about myself for my next entry. Caution, for you may suffer from effects of Awesome Radiation.

Shit. Shitshitshit.

My mom seems to be constantly making me feel terrible in situations where I would have otherwise been happy.

Motherly beliefs:

1. "All guys are the same at that age, they will expect sex on their birthday."
Guess what. Didn't happen. In fact, he has been so patient with me when it comes to how long it has taken me to just kiss him. He knows when to take the initative, because I'm such a coward, and he stops progressing immediately if I start feeling uncomfortable. He's all I could ask for.

2. "In dating, he is supposed to woo you, take you out on dates. If he's cheap now, it will only get worse later on."
I don't like going out. I actually like staying at home and lounging on the couch watching stupid shows on television.
"You can do that when you've been in a relationship for a long time, but now is no time for him to be cheap."

3. "It's fine if he's just a temporary boyfriend, someone you need for companionship now. But he's not the kind of boy to stick around with long term. You need someone as ambitious as you are academically, someone who isn't oh-so goodlooking."
Okay. Seriously? I actually do agree that he isn't a long-term type of boyfriend, but GOD. Was the latter part really necessary?

4. "If he's asking you to come over to his house at ten o'clock at night, no, that's booty call. You do not do that."
Umm. First of all, no. Second of all, I was the one who asked to come over. Because I want to. And so what if it's because I want to snog him a bit? I'm not losing my virginity, for freaks' sake.

5. "You should go out with someone whose schedule you don't have to work around because it's convenient for him. Date nights are Fridays and Saturdays."
Jesus. I can't help who I like or what time work schedules us. Fridays and Saturdays are impossible with our schedules. ie, "Don't go out with him."

6. "Are you even sure he isn't seeing other girls? You said he goes to bars with his friends. And how do you know he's really going to hang out with his friends later and wasn't just ditching you?"
Well, ma, because I saw them conversing right in front of me. They were going to the gym after Granma went to dinner with his parents. He had only one day off that week and I realized that he has more friends and people who want to spend time with him than I do, so I understand why I couldn't stay longer than I wanted to.

The "seeing other girls" question ticked me off. When I am with him, I don't think I can ever see him being the typical twenty-something year old male who wants to go out to clubs and screw every woman he sees. This is because he treats me with so much respect when we're together, and I feel so safe and welcome when he's holding me.

But I honestly don't know how he behaves around his friends. And there's some things that irk me about him that warp my thoughts into believing in the possibility that I really don't mean all that much to him, like how he seems to refuse to add me as a friend on Myspace and Facebook. I don't get it, I feel like he's hiding something. Or hiding me from his friends for whatever reason? Or that I'm not good enough to be considered one of his true friends quite yet?

I've put it off for quite some time, these irksome feelings, but my mom's tormenting has brought them boiling to the surface and having me wondering after Granma after all. I had eventually become so paranoid that I sent him an email yesterday. And I am so goddamned ashamed that I actually had to send it:

"I hate to get so serious about this but my mom keeps yelling at me about you and making me paranoid because I don't know anything about relationships and "she knows all guys are the same", which has a really negative connotation. I'm sorry I have to ask this, but what am I to you? I mean do you consider me a friend or girlfriend (do you see anyone else), and do you think we're too different, etc... I feel like an idiot for having to ask such stupid questions because I trust you and she obviously doesn't, but she's infecting my mind. I just need to hear what's in your head too, and please be honest with me. Then tell me I'm just being an idiot, because I hope that's the case."

I hate that I sent this email because if he responds in favor of me, I will feel like I betrayed him in thinking that he was actually capable of being such a jerkoff, but if he responds negatively, then I will feel absolutely crushed that I let myself become more intimate with him than I would have preferred if he didn't even like me properly in the first place. I'm such an idiot.

I know he read the email at least, because his Myspace showed he was online today, but he didn't respond. I wish he's not just ignoring me again and is instead trying to collect his thoughts and see what he really feels about me. I was initially hoping that it would have been a quick and simple, "Of course you're my girlfriend, yes you're an idiot, now are you still coming over on Monday?" But it wasn't. So. I don't know. I think I completely screwed myself over and scared him away.

I guess I'm becoming more and more depressed as time goes by, and the hours have been ticking away really, really slowly since I pushed the "send" button. If he doesn't respond by tonight, I'll have to give up on him, because I can't stand pining over someone who doesn't seem to care so much. We are rather different after all.

Say goodbye, kiddo.

Literally eight seconds ago I had an epiphany. I don't remember what my train of thought was before it, but I was thinking about how I've got this fear of change and new things. I didn't know why I had this fear in the first place, but I realized why just now, you see: I didn't want to let go of my childhood.

I always related to it as my fear of change, because that's what you've got to do when you become an adult, when you go to college, learn to drive a car, and start having relationships.

I was scared of all of those things, not because of a fear for change and new things, but because I wanted to remain a child and I didn't want to let go of that innocence and ignorance. I have so many mementos from the past that I can't find the courage to part with. And I've always said that being twelve years old was the best time of my life, and I still think so, but now that I realize what my motives were, it's silly to be so tangled up with the past like that if I'm too afraid to experience life so much.

I can't think of myself as a kid forever.
So I've decided to let go. I'm an adult now.

Mom, she's spacing out again.

Wow. Huhhuh. Nurrrr.

Want to guess what happened at Granma's last night? Hurhurrrhuh.



No, I didn't lose all of my inhibitions, but, well, a lot of them, considering I'm usually a traditional prude. Never would have guessed I'd have had the courage.

My mind is so clouded I can't think of anything else to say, let alone with proper verbage and explanation. So... I think I'll go daydream now.

Smiling is eco-friendly.

Crazy, crazy dream the other night. I'm pretty sure it would have been a nightmare had I not attempted waking myself up.

The dream started out at Granma's house, but there were other people there too besides Granma and myself, like my brother, an old friend from elementary school, and some girl I didn't know. We were all lying on this massive mattress just resting and I ended up falling asleep, because later I woke up and found yet another elementary school friend there doing these weird stretches while standing on the mattress. I noticed it was 5 o'clock in the morning and realized how pissed my mom was going to be when I got home, because she would have been expecting me back hours ago.

Then I was driving on the freeway by myself, it was still dark outside, and there were two cars behind me. Suddenly I realized how quiet it was, and how clearly I could see the environment around me despite it being nighttime. This is when my dream became lucid. I looked around and noticed there were absolutely no cars anywhere, and I turned my head back to see if those two cars were still following me. There wasn't anyone there, and I started hearing this slow beating deep drum, like my subconscious was making an impression of my pounding heartbeats. I started freaking out, obviously. When I began to turn my head back to the front, I wasn't in my car anymore and I was floating in a standing position, and my body started slowly rotating forwards about my center. I felt like I was in danger and tried waking myself up by making my body scream, but I felt so heavy and I couldn't.

Eventually though, before I was completely turned upside down, I managed to wake myself up only to find my heart pounding, muscles aching and tense, my body sweating and feeling heavy and weak.

Like I said, crazy.

So. Six things that I'm smiling about.

1.
Well, this one's on the forefront of my mind, as it is most recent.

I went to Granma's after work today to hang out. There wasn't much on television, unfortunately, since it was the afternoon, but I brought some pretty awesome pizza that I made. Heck to the yes. I introduced him to the best Naruto episode ever (that I've seen so far), and he seemed to be pretty into it, although we only had time to watch half of it. I had to leave earlier than I wanted to because he had made plans to see The Hurt Locker with his parents. Wah.

Well, he walked me to my car, and um. He, uh. Kissed me. I could feel his lips still after a good hour. *sigh* And I shall see him at work tomorrow. Oh, god, a smiley face...

:D
2.
I've got my new baby, a 2009 Nissan Versa. I've named him Milo. A handsome devil, ain't he?


3.
New pictures from the San Francisco trip! Most of them were taken at the San Francisco Botanical Garden, but two were taken on the road.







4.
Sherree Chamberlain's new album, The Wasp in the Room, is finally out after all these years of waiting, thank GOD. Not that I'm religious or anything.


5.
I can eat without pain! You know, after my wisdom teeth extractions last week. No need for pain killers anymore. Awesome possum. And smiling doesn't hurt, so that's good.

6.
I've had pudding three times in the last two weeks. How awesome is that? Sweetawesome, that's what.