AngstAngstAngstAngst.

Bad luck was following me around a bunch this morning. There's two settings on my alarm clock, and I apparently set the wrong one, so when my mom opened my door at 4:39 AM asking me when I planned on getting up for my 5:10 AM shift, you can imagine my cursing, however minimal. I materialized into my clothes in an instant and ran off, so I didn't get to eat breakfast. I went 76 mph on the freeway so I got to work on time, but I was a minute late because I grabbed a tag swipe whose barcode was deteriorated and had to fetch another one. Then once I was in my department, I realized I left my work hat in my locker and had to endure four hours of a hair net with no hat--something that's really annoying. Then water spills everywhere, I'm all grumpy, blah blah blah.

At that moment I felt like I was being punished or something. Like betraying my word. Why would I think that? Because I said yes to going to a movie with Granma last night. A movie that starts at 9:40 PM when I have to get up at 4:00 AM. And Granma, who invited me because someone bailed on their plans with him and he wanted to get out of the house. I need to learn to say no. I don't want to be second choice.

But he still wears the friendship bracelet I made him.

But that doesn't excuse anything.

Anyway. The next series of entries will consist of movie reviews. How exciting! I've had all of this time off that I thought I'd have some sort of movie-watching spree on Netflix forEVER. Because it's...fun...

The first section, this section, shall be dedicated to quirky indie flicks. Teehee. Which is... actually most of my list. Oh noes!

Visioneers
George Washington Winsterhammerman. Proudly pulls out his middle finger to his boss. Really though, in this futuristic dark comedy, this gesture is the company's trademark. A sign of respect and loyalty. Oh, and people are exploding from stress. Literally exploding.
Visioneers is supposed to be a dark comedy, but I don't remember laughing. In fact, I don't really remember anything about that movie, except how creepy and pathetic everything was. Although, in the screenwriter's defense, that was probably the intention. So, for intention's sake, this film gets a 4/5, but for watchability, it's a 2/5. If that makes any sense.

Teenage Dirtbag
Based on a true story! The typical write up of cheerleader Amber meets bad boy Thayer, however via a creative writing class in senior year. It's a drama. Almost a romantic drama. Still, it's a very interesting write up of relationships and Thayer's character is especially engaging. Watch to see why! Low budget, but recommended. 4/5

Tideland
Haven't seen this one in a looong time, but here goes. Jeliza-Rose is a little girl whose imagination and reality aren't very well defined for the viewer's sake. Incredibly dreamy and creepy and unusual, this film made me feel uncomfortable, sympathetic, and gave me the chills... feelings reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but with a lot more darkness. I'm really not quite sure how I feel about this one. 2.5/5

Wristcutters: A Love Story
Apparently there's an afterlife just for suicide victims. Everyone's got a story. Zia kills himself afer being dumped by his girlfriend. However, he later learns that his ex killed herself as well, and so he goes in search for her in this afterlife to get back together, meeting a couple of odd folks along the way.
This would have gotten a non-applaudable score if not for the ending. Which was pretty rad. So. 3/5

Special
Les Franken is bored and wants a little excitement, so he decides to participate in a drug experiment. That gives him super powers.
During this film, sometimes it's difficult to figure out what's happening and what's not... and the middle is pretty slow, but the ending is really phenomenal. At least I think so. You've got to have some kind of BANG ending. 4/5

Splinterheads

Justin gets conned by a cool carnie girl named Galaxy and ends up falling for her... but Galaxy's tough boyfriend is a bit much to handle. This movie's feeling is reminiscent of... perhaps Superbad? But more tasteful. Typical story, but entertaining. One of the funniest lines was one minute in where Justin randomly sings, "Tiiiniest ferris wheel in the land". Text doesn't do it justice--you just had to be there. 4/5

Hard Candy
Ellen Page plays Haley, a teenager who meets much older yet good looking Geoff online and they both decide to meet in person. Haley has her own motives, and we're guessing that Geoff's aren't all too innocent. But things are not as they seeeeem...
VERY creepy movie. Some parts are hard to watch, but the story is very captivating and hard to pull away from, even if it is disturbing. Really good ending, too. 4.5/5

Local Color
Based on a true story! Johnny, a *pretty cute* 18 year old, aspires to be an impressionistic painter and learns that one of his neighbors is world renowned Seroff, a bitter old alcoholic landscape impressionist who doesn't want any business with anyone. But Seroff eventually comes to an understanding with Johnny and takes him on as his apprentice. Sort of.
Sweet story of a simple relationship between a young man and an old man, a student and master. Not much of a plot, of course, but there are some mildly entertaining lines and a hilarious feud between classical and contemporary works of art. 4/5

Indie flicks on the list to view: Wake, Lola, The Rage in Lake Placid

An accumulation of thoughts.

Have you ever thought about how life would be when you retire in your old age? How incredibly boring it must be? Trying to find things to do to keep yourself occupied for the rest of your life... Imagine all of the hobbies you'd have to pick up in order to stay sane.

I mean, here I am with only four days that have gone by where I have absolutely no obligations and I am bored out of my skull, trying to keep myself busy on movies and games and drawing. And I'd have to do that for the rest of my life once I retire? I'm thinking I probably won't. I'll work. I'll go back to school and learn silly things like ceramics and blowing glass.

Did you know that seniors go to school for $7/semester at my university? I have to pay about $2400/semester. It's outrageous.

But what do I know how I'll think down the line. I change my mind about plans for myself every year. My major. My career choices. My relationships. Whether or not I'll want kids later on.

I see people differently after a little while. Like you don't really notice people until a couple of months later, and you think back, trying to remember what your first impressions of these people were, but you can't remember. Maybe because there wasn't any first impression to begin with, like I was just so caught up in my own self that these people are just insignificant blurs.

I've noticed something else. People I don't have a very good first impression with are generally those whom I end up befriending, while those whom make a very good first impression tend to disappoint. It's a kind of mixed blessing, because you'll know in the long run what'll go down, but you won't believe it until it happens.

This morning, I finally had the cahones to tell my mom that I don't want her to drink wine anymore. I've been wanting to tell her for months. But all she said in reply was "Mmhm."

So many things are changing this year--I wonder if I'll be able to keep up with it all or just be dragged by the ankles.

Beat, beat, beat.

What is it with watching a movie or some long television program that makes me feel sick? I get a headache, get all hot, start feeling nauseous... Is that unusual? This usually happens to me when I'm going brain dead. But I guess my brain prefers being active...? Well, I got this sickly feeling, unfortunately, after watching the finale of Lost, a two hour episode. I think I'm pretty satisfied about the ending. I cried a lot. That's not what satisfied me, I'm just saying it was really emotional in a happy/sad kind of way.

I updated my art website. Not deviantart, but my customized one. Here's a couple of screenshots:





Pretty snazzy! I drew some new portraits, too. The first, I like a LOT upside down like it is. The second is really different compared to my other stuff since it's hard lit, but it looks really cool that way. I think. But it only took about thirty minutes to draw because I didn't bother trying to fix errors.



Oh. And Granma's getting friendly... *ahem* I like it, but I don't want to like it. Stupid hormones.

This week will be uneventful. There'll be rain and no obligations. Next week, I'm hoping the rain will clear up and it'll get all warm so I can go to Six Flags. I mentioned it to a couple of friends at work and they're ready to go. Can't waiiiit...

PS: For some inexplicable reason, my organic chemistry professor gave me a B+ in both lecture and lab. I was expecting a B- in lab and a C in lecture, so, you can imagine how giddy I was when I heard the news. I was literally jumping from toe to toe, enthusing in dorky claps of joy.

All that, and for what.

by Elif Sanem Karakoç
Finally. FINALLY. Finallyfinallyfinallyfinallyfinally.
Done with school.
(For this semester).

Organic Chemistry was the bane of my existence. I'm sure it rivalled in difficulty with a couple of my upper division math courses. Yesterday, the day before my final exam, I didn't have any classes, but I set my alarm for 8:00am, ate breakfast, and studied from 8:30am-11:00pm with appropriate breaks. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever done. Unfortunately, I have to pick up more organic chemistry again for this summer's MCAT prep course. At least I have two weeks off...

What am I gonna do in that time? I don't know. Maybe I'll visit my friend. Maybe we'll go to Six Flags in Vallejo. Maybe I'll go to the theaters a lot. Maybe I'll read some books and draw some portraits. It'll be nice to relax indefinitely for a change.

I went out to lunch today with my brother, had some teriyaki chicken at the Cheesecake Factory. Everything they make is a knee slapping good time in your mouth. Then I went and bought myself a new, firmer pillow, which is going for a test drive tonight. I'm excited. For a pillow. Yep.

I may or may not post my grades once I get them. I think they're pretty predictable, for the most part. A in Spanish, f'sure. Probably a B in organic chemistry lab... and who knows in organic chemistry lecture. My grades have been all over the place, and she doesn't curve anything except for the final exam grade. I'm guessing a C. Hopefully a B-, but that might be stretching it. I think my "at least a B-" streak will end this semester, after... oh, seven years? That's what you get when you have a hard course and a hard teacher and no curve. Sad, especially when I imagine I could have done just fine with a different instructor.

But you know what? Who cares. The senioritis is setting in.

Blue Miss Sunday.

by Burçin Esin
Oh, sweet, sweet revenge. It's not much, but we had evaluations for my classes recently and I gave my chemistry professor really terrible marks. It made me feel so much better.

Today:
1.) Last day of instruction. Pretty sure I aced my quiz, even though I only just started studying for it forty minutes prior to class.
2.) Took one of those free massage sessions the university offers. It felt nice, but it didn't really help out much with my shoulders. I'm in a lot of pain from all these huge knots. My mom said it's from stress.
3.) I'm chewing gum, but for the life of me I do not remember puting any in my mouth. Weeeird.

Yesterday:
1.) Spent 10-11 hours sitting on my bed with school work. I'm really bad at motivating myself to start, but once I do start, I keep on truckin' and nothing can stop me. Except carpal tunnel.
2.) Naruto Shippuden is coming up to the epic part of the series. It's coming! Very slowly, but it is!

Things with Granma are going okay. I figured out that when I'm at work and waiting for him to show up, I get really anxious with dread, but when he's at work and I show up, I'm just fine. I don't get it.

I wanted to share this with my brother, but he's not the type of person to care much about knowledge. I found this website called Lumosity, a site where you can play games that help brain activity. Different games help different cognitive areas of the brain, so you can assess what your strong points are, where you're lacking, your progress, how you relate to others in certain areas... It's really interesting, and many of the games are actually fun to play. I suggest checking it out! www.Lumosity.com

I think I'll have some vacation time in August. That is a long ways away, but I'll need something to take my mind off of my MCAT results, I'm sure. I'd love to go out of the country... Well, maybe I'll save that for after graduation in December. I should visit my dad.

Oh dear, I just realized that I have yet to mention the best news of the year. And yeah, before I said that Circa Survive's release of Blue Sky Noise after all these years was the best news of the year... but this is so much better.

They played LIVE at my UNIVERSITY and I got to GO.

It's a funny story, actually. I got an email saying that I had a message on my university message board, so I went to go check, but there was nothing there. Irked, I decided to scroll down the site page randomly and look around. I noticed in the university calendar the words "Circa" and "Survive" side by side with the date "May 6th" below it. Feeling my heart beating quickly, hoping that it wasn't YESTERDAY I looked down at the date on my computer and it said "May 6, 2010" and I literally squealed.

For the next hour and a half I was hyperventilating, fanning myself, pacing, and squealing some more while my brother looked on in concern for my unusually unusual behavior. I immediately posted my enthusiasm on Facebook and found someone who'd go with me to the show. It. Was. SO. Amazing. I managed to get some photos, too, but it was really difficult with the flashing lights and the darkness and the movement and my flash wouldn't go off. But I was screamin' my lungs out as I watched the lead singer twirling around madly on stage. Best night. EVAR.


Well, I've got a bunch of studying afoot. LOL. A foot.

Nothing.Something.Anything.

by Ania Kosik
Listy listful lists.

1. I've had a pretty bad case of the allergies this weekend, so much so that I thought I was sick. The woman at the clinic told me though that I wasn't really sick at all, and that I should either stay inside or move to the coast. Both of which are quite the inconvenience.

2. I finally ended up emailing the chemistry department chair about my teacher in order to challenge a grade she gave me on my essay--a completely bogus grade. It's been five days and I have yet to get a response. Maybe the department chair hasn't read it at all since I accidentally sent the email with "no subject" and a document attached.

3. A professor from the math department emailed me to inform me that I've been one of ten selected out of all of the math majors to join Pi Mu Epsilon, a national mathematics honorary society. A really nice touch on my future resume, yes, but I find it ironic that I don't want to have anything to do with higher mathematics ever again after finishing up my major requirements last semester.

4. About three years ago, I took anatomy and physiology with a professor whom became very impressed with both my smarts in his class and my artistic skills. He has kept in touch with me about once a year since he'd moved to work as a professor in some other university in Arizona. Just a couple of days ago, he emailed me to say hello and to help guide me into a career choice he thought would suit me: biomedical art and illustration. Apparently there's a real masters of science degree for this field of drawing biomedical illustrations. How cool is that? If radiology doesn't work out for me, then I know where to go. Also, he offered me letters of recommendation for when I apply to medical schools, advice, as well as an easy admission into the university he's currently teaching at, since he's with the board of admissions. What an awesome dude.

5. I gained weight again. Mainly because desserts are my favorite and I've been refusing to go with my brother to play soccer on Tuesdays and Fridays. Also, I'm back to eating three meals a day. People say that's good for you, but I'm sure it isn't, because that's when I especially gain weight. And I'm just a lazy bastard. People who aren't active shouldn't eat as much as people who are. I'd work out before bed at home (which I used to do when my brother wasn't staying with us), but my brother is always in the room before I go to sleep and there's not enough space. [Excuse,excusexcusexcusexcusessss.] I need motivation.

Everybody loves bokeh.

by Julia Davis
I'm bad. Bad to the bone.

Bad only because I'm here rather than rewriting an essay that's due in two days. Rewriting because I apparently messed up the entire thing. Messed up because I totally mistook fluorine to have its own splitting pattern in proton NMR spreadsheets.

[What did she just say, now?]

I know it's stupid to say, but I need another vacation. My chemistry professor is starting to irk the hell out of me. And no, I'm not getting a break this summer because I'm taking an MCAT prep course (really expensive) for the test on August 5th. I'm anxious.

On the MCAT: General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Basic Physics, Biology, Analytical Reasoning, Data Interpretation, Critical Thinking, Critical Reading, Intellectual Organization, and Written Communication.

If you ask me, that's a lot. Luckily though, I managed to enroll in a prep course whose final class day is just five days before the MCAT exam, so everything should be fresh in my mind.

In other news, I've drawn yet another portrait. However this one is different from all the others because it's of TWO PEOPLE. I've never had more than one person in a portrait before, mainly because it's so difficult to get just one face right. But this looks great, and I'm really proud of myself.


My mom and step dad. Aww, snuggles.
I also took a bunch of pictures in the park since I noticed that flowers were starting to bloom all over the place. Finally I got a chance to capture some bokeh, among other things: